I love summer.
End of Story.
I just love it. The warmth, the sun, the activities, the friendliness of people. (People really are friendlier until they get too hot...then grumpiness comes back.) It is all beautiful to me!
My mom is on her way over to my apartment so that we can go for a hike this afternoon. The wind has picked up a bit, but once you get into the mountains you are usually protected to some extent. I look forward to the time with her; it has been a little while since the two of us have connected.
I always have so much to share, but I really want to stay focused on captivating right now. Once I have walked through the book I will begin posting other thoughts and ideas!
Chapter 4: Wounded
This is a bit of a heavy chapter. We are all wounded and most of our responses come from our wounds. Our wounds, oddly enough, have become our safe places. Our safety blankets. Our controllable lives. There are many stories in Chapter 4 about wounded hearts, and my heart resonated with some of those stores. No, the stories were not identical, but I can begin to see how the enemy was at work in my own story. On top of the wounds we receive from the people around us, the things we tell ourselves and believe about ourselves only makes the wounds worse. The power that our mind has is remarkable. We really do have a choice to allow thoughts to support and feed our wounds until they contaminate our bodies and our lives. Or we have the option of slowing down and taking the time to recognize our wounds. Once we have recognized the wound we need to put a name to it, and invite the father in for healing. Ask him to speak truth over your heart and your wounds. We ask, seek and knock, and he has promised to answer us.
Allow me to be vulnerable for a moment. A wound or agreement that has recently risen to the surface in my heart is that something is wrong with me. I don't know what is wrong specifically, just something. Or maybe everything for that matter (depends on the day and how far I allow my thoughts to go). Somehow I am simply not enough.
"we can't put it into words, but deep down we fear there is something terribly wrong with us."
As women a message we hear often is; "to be a woman is to be powerless; there is nothing good about vulnerability; it is just weakness."
OH, how this breaks my heart. I think of how hard it has been for me to develop and maintain relationships with girls, but "life" gets in the way. The less time we get together, the more distant the relationship feels and the harder it is to be vulnerable. It is like we have this fear that the person is going to start judging us because we have not spent much time with them. Yet a quote from John Eldridge that is helping me be okay with just being me and not worry about being judge by others is; "let people feel the weight of who you are." Wow, there is something very hard about that for me. All the thoughts flood my mind; what if they don't like me? What if they think I am foolish, weak, lazy, young, etc. And shortly on the heels of these thoughts comes shame. Shame of not measuring up to the worlds standards, to the church standards, or to my own standards. (Are you seeing how the enemy is easily encouraging my thoughts to spiral down.)
"Shame says we are unworthy, broken and beyond repair."
"Shames causes us to hide. We are afraid of being truly seen , and so we hid our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted..dominating women offer expertise...desolate women offer service."
"Shame makes us feel very uncomfortable with our beauty...few of us believe we are beautiful and fewer still are comfortable with it. ...So we hide our beauty behind extra weight, layers of makeup, or we neutralize our beauty by putting up protective, defensive walls that warn others to keep their distance."
We may hide behind something, or put up walls yet under all these wounds and layers of control, there is a deep longing. A longing for something more. It must be there... our heart aches for love, intimacy and life. FULL Life.
Psalm 25:3 No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame...
The chapter ends with this: " there is, in fact, a theme to them (wounds), a pattern. The wounds you have received have come to you for a purpose from one who knows all you are meant to be and fears you."
What are those wounds in your heart? Have you identified them? Are they abandonment, worthlessness, not being enough? I would challenge you to ask the the Father to name those, because you can't heal something that you don't know is broken!
I pray the Fathers does a might work! May your heart begin to believe in his heart from you!!
Be Blessed!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
What Was That About?
HI! I hope you have had a wonderful day thus far. Oh, it is warm and sunny in Colorado...Almost a guaranteed wonderful day for me. Unless of course you lock me inside. I simply love the warmth of the sun! Yes, my legs are hanging out the door of our apartment right now soaking up the rays :).
I have a couple of questions and thoughts for you from the next section of Captivating.
First, have you ever had one of those moments when you walk away from a situation and you can't figure out what just came out of you? Maybe you were in a wonderful mood and then out of nowhere you completely snapped at someone. Or, you had ever right to snap at the person because they were cruel to you; yet, you know that is not really how we are supposed to love people (giving them a piece of their own medicine). What was that about? How about a moment when you watch another woman manipulate or be nasty to her child or husband. Where do these moments come from? As women aren't we supposed to be inviting, alluring and captivating? Not striving and a sharp-edged, cold strength. The thought that Stasi followed with this first question was; How do people experience me?
Hmmm, humbling. I believe, for me personally, that in twentyFOURseven, (a leadership academy I attended for 2 years) I was experienced as hard, tough, striving, and cold (probably literally and figuratively). But now, coming up on 4 years out of the program and 1 year married...I am not so sure any more how people experience me. My prayer for my own heart is that the Father will begin to show me. I would encourage you to ask him as well. Are we striving to be something we are not? Are we trying so hard that it is stealing from the true beauty he wants us to offer? Wrestle with this...what is he telling you?
This final idea really brought to my attention something that I never could put into words or fully understand. Why do we hear and see so few women friendship, when it seems like the men always have a band of brothers?? Well, it is because we are relational to our core! Both the enemy and God know this. So the enemy can use it to his advantage by getting us (women) to fill those relationship holes with other things, food, exercise, reading, busyness, work, etc. And God hopes that in our search for relationships we will finally give up all the counterfeits and come to him; the only one that can fill those holes. WOW...it makes so much sense to me. Since men aren't necessarily relational to their core this is not a way that the enemy tries to attack very often with men. I am not saying male relationships don't ever get attacked, because I know they do. But I am saying that this is one of the main targets for women.
I would challenge you to explore this thought. I don't feel like I communicated this well, but I hope the Father is still able to use it!
"Fallen Eve controls her relationships. She refuses to be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart's longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control. ... when we do this we are really refusing to trust our God."
"When we live like this something precious in us is lost. Something the world needs very much from us."
Enjoy his beauty...Explore your heart...Listen to Him
-Abby
I have a couple of questions and thoughts for you from the next section of Captivating.
First, have you ever had one of those moments when you walk away from a situation and you can't figure out what just came out of you? Maybe you were in a wonderful mood and then out of nowhere you completely snapped at someone. Or, you had ever right to snap at the person because they were cruel to you; yet, you know that is not really how we are supposed to love people (giving them a piece of their own medicine). What was that about? How about a moment when you watch another woman manipulate or be nasty to her child or husband. Where do these moments come from? As women aren't we supposed to be inviting, alluring and captivating? Not striving and a sharp-edged, cold strength. The thought that Stasi followed with this first question was; How do people experience me?
Hmmm, humbling. I believe, for me personally, that in twentyFOURseven, (a leadership academy I attended for 2 years) I was experienced as hard, tough, striving, and cold (probably literally and figuratively). But now, coming up on 4 years out of the program and 1 year married...I am not so sure any more how people experience me. My prayer for my own heart is that the Father will begin to show me. I would encourage you to ask him as well. Are we striving to be something we are not? Are we trying so hard that it is stealing from the true beauty he wants us to offer? Wrestle with this...what is he telling you?
This final idea really brought to my attention something that I never could put into words or fully understand. Why do we hear and see so few women friendship, when it seems like the men always have a band of brothers?? Well, it is because we are relational to our core! Both the enemy and God know this. So the enemy can use it to his advantage by getting us (women) to fill those relationship holes with other things, food, exercise, reading, busyness, work, etc. And God hopes that in our search for relationships we will finally give up all the counterfeits and come to him; the only one that can fill those holes. WOW...it makes so much sense to me. Since men aren't necessarily relational to their core this is not a way that the enemy tries to attack very often with men. I am not saying male relationships don't ever get attacked, because I know they do. But I am saying that this is one of the main targets for women.
I would challenge you to explore this thought. I don't feel like I communicated this well, but I hope the Father is still able to use it!
"Fallen Eve controls her relationships. She refuses to be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart's longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control. ... when we do this we are really refusing to trust our God."
"When we live like this something precious in us is lost. Something the world needs very much from us."
Enjoy his beauty...Explore your heart...Listen to Him
-Abby
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Essence Of God
I usually attend a Yoga class once a week, and today was the day. I am really beginning to enjoy the class! After Yoga I head over to Garden of the Gods for a run. OH! What stunning beauty. I am taken back by the landscape of Colorado! I am so thankful to get to live in such a beautiful place. It was cloudy during my entire run, but the sun has come out now and I am soaking it up!! My vanity has a tendency to take over when the sun comes out! :)
As I read this morning I found myself today moving back to my mentality of just reading and not stopping to process the words that resonated in my heart. I did plan on coming back to the thoughts and processing them like I am doing now. But I must be careful. It is so easy for me to just want to finish something to finish it.
Life is a process and I must remember that. It gives me freedom. It allows me to slow down my pace of life.
Thoughts from chapter two in captivating:
Beauty is the essence of God
I continue to struggle with relating who God is to beauty, and not just what he creates. Yesterday's post challenged you to create your own list of what beauty means to you. Here is a short list of words that I think of, when I think of beauty:
Rest
Peace
Light
Life
Simplicity
Enchanting
Joy
Laughter
These words describe the essence of GOD, our father…he is rest, peace, light…he is life, simplicity, enchanting and joy… he is at the heart of laughter and smiles.
“ It (beauty) draws you in, holds your attention. You can’t wait to get back to it, spend time with it. All of the responses that God wants of us. All of the responses a woman wants too. Beauty invites.”
And finally, I conclude my thoughts today with the experiences of yesterday. Again, I challenged you to ask yourself "what is each person I cross paths with today showing me about God?" When I did this, I found myself looking at each woman that came into the store and seeing beauty in her eyes. I saw these women so differently…so whole….so pure… so beautiful. It was quite a shift in my perspective.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Captivating
It has been a beautiful morning. My run this morning was a beautiful, warm, sunny run and shortly after I got back it started to cloud up. I am thankful for the sun. It has been so cloudy this spring!
I have started to reread Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge and I would like to share some thoughts with you. I read the book either in my senior year of high school or my freshmen year of college and it really transformed my life at the time. I decided to read it again, now that I am married, and I have found that God is showing me so much more. I believe this is a book I should go through every couple of years. Life changes so much and in each season I believe he has something new to show us! I hope these highlights speak to your heart as much as mine, but I would encourage you to take the time to read it or reread it yourself and see what he is speaking to you!
A question asked in the book was what is a woman telling me about God? What characteristics does she hold that are his, since we are made in his image. I loved this question and found myself looking at women differently. When a woman would walk into work I would look for the ways she might show me a picture of God's character. John and Stasi suggested that a woman shows us God is relational to his core, he has a heart for romance. God longs to share adventures with us--adventures we could not do alone. And God has a beauty to unveil, a beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive.
This does something to my heart. I feel like it helps me develop a truer view of God. Our perspective of God shapes our faith and I am always look to hold a more compete view of God. Relational to his core: I long for conversational intimacy with Coleman, God longs for conversational intimacy with me. God longs to go on adventures with me that I can't do with out him. This thought stirs inside of me a hope and an excitement to release the control I have over my world and allow him to take me on a ride! And finally, a beauty to unveil. I never have thought of God as beauty himself. His creation is beauty. But Him? What does that mean. As I began to process through this I found myself defining beauty, and what beauty meant to me: peace, rest, joy, light, life, simplicity... These things are the core of God's character. Again, my view of God is shifting.
I would like to encourage you to take a minute and define beauty in your heart. When you think of beauty what do you think of? Once you do that, apply those words to God. Does it change or shape your view of God?
Also, something I loved was the idea that when I come in contact with someone asking myself, what are they showing me about God? See if this question changes your heart towards people, because they were made in his image and they are his child!
I hope these thoughts have touched your heart like they have mine!
May you see his work in your life today!
--Abby
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Too much to share
Good Morning! The air is cold today in Colorado. The wind is biting. I am not sure where our spring is, but it has yet to really show itself!
Well, it is Wednesday, I have gotten my work out done, my breakfast eaten and I am postponing my studying with this blog. I have one final left, tomorrow afternoon in Nutrition Assessment. I think it is going to be a tough one, but with this being the only thing I have left I am really struggling to press in. I have a feeling I am going to look at a number of the questions tomorrow and think "why did I not study more?!" Oh well, there really is only so much a person can handle when it comes to school and I think I have hit my limit for the semester.
So I feel like I have a lot of thoughts cooped up inside of me that I would like to share. Unfortunately, I believe they are going to have to wait until next week. On top of the last final I need to study for today, after work this evening, Coleman and I are headed to Denver to pick up his parents. Coleman and his dad are excited to get a day in the woods together hunting those wretched gobblers (Turkeys...and if you have ever seen them in the wild they are not the most attractive creatures). While the boys are out and about, Darlene, Coleman's mom, and I will get sometime together. Which is always a blessed and beautiful time. Coleman's parents live in Florida so we don't get to see them often. It is always fun to have them here. I am lucky I have such wonderful in-laws. I have heard a number of married women refer to their mother-in-laws as monster-in-laws. This always grieves my heart, but it is the work of the enemy to turn family against each other.
Well, I suppose I should get on with the studying. I have posted a recipe for making Yogurt. I have fruit, nuts, and homemade yogurt just about about every morning for breakfast. I have found it is much cheaper and healthier to make my own yogurt. Check out my recipe page. May you have a blessed day and stay tuned because I have many thoughts coming!!
Well, it is Wednesday, I have gotten my work out done, my breakfast eaten and I am postponing my studying with this blog. I have one final left, tomorrow afternoon in Nutrition Assessment. I think it is going to be a tough one, but with this being the only thing I have left I am really struggling to press in. I have a feeling I am going to look at a number of the questions tomorrow and think "why did I not study more?!" Oh well, there really is only so much a person can handle when it comes to school and I think I have hit my limit for the semester.
So I feel like I have a lot of thoughts cooped up inside of me that I would like to share. Unfortunately, I believe they are going to have to wait until next week. On top of the last final I need to study for today, after work this evening, Coleman and I are headed to Denver to pick up his parents. Coleman and his dad are excited to get a day in the woods together hunting those wretched gobblers (Turkeys...and if you have ever seen them in the wild they are not the most attractive creatures). While the boys are out and about, Darlene, Coleman's mom, and I will get sometime together. Which is always a blessed and beautiful time. Coleman's parents live in Florida so we don't get to see them often. It is always fun to have them here. I am lucky I have such wonderful in-laws. I have heard a number of married women refer to their mother-in-laws as monster-in-laws. This always grieves my heart, but it is the work of the enemy to turn family against each other.
Well, I suppose I should get on with the studying. I have posted a recipe for making Yogurt. I have fruit, nuts, and homemade yogurt just about about every morning for breakfast. I have found it is much cheaper and healthier to make my own yogurt. Check out my recipe page. May you have a blessed day and stay tuned because I have many thoughts coming!!
Monday, May 10, 2010
The First...
Welcome,
I am not quite sure where to begin. I must admit I love to view other blogs, yet I have waited to start my own for fear of it not being good. I guess today I decided to take the risk. I was married last May (2009) to a wonderful man, Coleman Housefield. As we have walked through this past year together God has used our marriage to begin to stir something inside of me. As I explore the unrest in my heart I am beginning to see God expose the essence of the beauty I hold. God is showing me how resting in him and doing things that bring me back to his heart are just what I need and crucial to a full life. I have spent the last ten years pushing hard, being busy, successful and driven. I continue to be driven by performance and success, but slowly he is moving me away and showing me truth. I am SO thankful for a husband who has been my strength through this. My goal for this blog is to share this adventure, returning to the core of my heart, the heart of a woman, with you. As I take time to do things I love like cook, read, explore, and adventure in the midst of finishing school and life. I hope you find this blog an encouragement and that the Father will use it to stir your heart. What is it that you love? What makes your heart come alive? What can you create?
Thanks for reading and taking part in my story!
-his,
Abby
I am not quite sure where to begin. I must admit I love to view other blogs, yet I have waited to start my own for fear of it not being good. I guess today I decided to take the risk. I was married last May (2009) to a wonderful man, Coleman Housefield. As we have walked through this past year together God has used our marriage to begin to stir something inside of me. As I explore the unrest in my heart I am beginning to see God expose the essence of the beauty I hold. God is showing me how resting in him and doing things that bring me back to his heart are just what I need and crucial to a full life. I have spent the last ten years pushing hard, being busy, successful and driven. I continue to be driven by performance and success, but slowly he is moving me away and showing me truth. I am SO thankful for a husband who has been my strength through this. My goal for this blog is to share this adventure, returning to the core of my heart, the heart of a woman, with you. As I take time to do things I love like cook, read, explore, and adventure in the midst of finishing school and life. I hope you find this blog an encouragement and that the Father will use it to stir your heart. What is it that you love? What makes your heart come alive? What can you create?
Thanks for reading and taking part in my story!
-his,
Abby
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